Jonell Joshua is a Brooklyn-based artist and writer who explores her childhood in her new graphic memoir, How Do I Draw These Memories? Her mother struggled with severe depression and other health issues, and Joshua and her siblings sometimes lived with grandparents, shuttling to and fro homes and schools. This is an impactful—if not, for some, familiar—story of a family full of love, figuring out the best ways to be together while coping with mental illness. Complex in its structure and accessible through its artistry, it is a compelling sensory experience. Told in a multimedia format, the book is peppered with personal essays, illustrated memories and chapters playing out in comics.
Joshua works at Pratt Institute, and her illustration has been featured in Buzzfeed, NPR, New York Magazine, The New York Times and The Washington Post. Our conversation examines the struggle to heal the heart and mind through intimate narrative and raw images.
What prompted you to write and illustrate a book devoted to your mother’s mental illness?
My book is about faith, the preciousness of life and unconditional love. The book discusses the reality of our situation living with a parent with a mental illness, so I break that down in various chapters, but that is not solely our experience. This book is dedicated to freedoms in our childhood and our earliest and most precious memories. Not only that, the book is about our journey together, so it’s written to share the perspectives from my brothers and my mom. Our life wasn’t just about my mother’s mental illness. I wanted to encapsulate our livelihood and the joys we experienced together.
Was this book a hard sell on your part?
The publisher reached out to me, admiring my illustration style, and they wanted to work with me on a project, whether that was a book cover or graphic novel. After a few meetings, I decided to pitch the idea of making a book devoted to my family and our journey together. The publisher was all for the idea, so it wasn’t a hard sell at all. Everything was very seamless.
Your provocative title suggests that you are working out the very question I would ask about how to make such difficult memories become an engagingly universal story. How did you do it?
I wouldn’t consider the title of my memoir provocative. While thinking of title ideas, I was literally asking myself how I was going to do all of this—draw and write not only my memories, but my family’s memories. And, how was I going to marry everything together with prose, drawings, comics? And photographs? I decided the title should be the very question I was asking myself.
There are many of us who have relatives, loved ones or friends whose suffering is deeply felt by all around. How did you address the angers, resentments and fears in relation to the love and empathy for your mom?
This book became a healing journey for me. From the start of the book I navigated fear, particularly fear of perception. But as I continued to move through the process and have conversations with loved ones and conversations with myself, I learned parts of their experience I either forgot or didn’t know and I gained perspective. Any animosity I carried in childhood and young adulthood I was able to let go of after having honest conversations with my loved ones and with my mom.
What about your experiences determined where you went in terms of form and design?
I knew I wanted this book to be a collaboration, and I didn’t want this book to follow a traditional comic style that is a graphic novel. I wanted it to literally feel like a scrapbook, so that meant combining spreads dedicated to photos, spreads that felt like a vivid dreamscape through illustrated flashbacks, and some to be dedicated as prose chapters. I wanted to really delve into prose without leaning on imagery necessarily. I love the art of writing, so writing out certain chapters to channel the memory was really fun and beautiful.
How has your family responded to the book?
My family loves the book! They were my biggest cheerleaders through the process and I am forever grateful to them for giving me the space to write this book and share our story! I’m looking forward to celebrating with my family in the next few weeks. I’m glad I was able to make this book come to life, not only for myself, but for my family as well. As I mention in the book, our journey together is what got us through, and for anyone going through a difficult time, remember that it’s OK to lean into your support system, whether that is your biological family, extended family, or chosen family. We have to lift each other up to get through difficult times.
How cathartic was it for you to relive your “living” past?
This book was a beautiful journey for me. I gained perspective, I healed old wounds and I made a lot of discoveries about life and the connection between things along the way. I could never have imagined where I would be today when I started this process, but I’m so happy I went on the journey to write this book. Reliving my past made me reflect on everything from my childhood, especially the joys that I experienced even when things were difficult. Writing also helped me unpack more about mental health and the conversations I never had with my mom until going through the writing process. Having these conversations that are revealed in the book really helped build our relationship outside of this written time capsule.
Is there more you’d like to say and show, or have you put your memories in their place?
I think there will always be more that I want to say, so I think of this book as a catalyst for the work I’ll do moving forward. I want to do more community work as it relates to the arts. I’d love to act on some of the things that I touch on toward the end of the book, which is being a mentor and creating workshops and programs to help the youth explore their creativity.
What do you want the audience to take away?
I want the audience to know they’re not alone in their journey. I want them to know that mental illness is serious, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of, whether it’s what you are directly going through or a loved one is going through. Lean into your community and public resources. I mention some of the resources in the book, like “A Place for Mom.” As I discuss in the book, I wasn’t just raised by my parents, I was raised by my maternal and paternal grandparents, and I had an incredible support system. Not only that, I want readers to reflect on the good in their life. Trauma can consume us, but one small thing that can help is to reflect on the joys of life and reflect on who and what you love. That’s why I write about the joys of my childhood and the moments we had together as a family. That’s why I write about love in so many different ways. Love is what carried us through our journey.
